The Domestic Violence Unit was established in the year 2000 in order to provide comprehensive victim assistance for the victims of domestic violence.  The Domestic Violence Unit is made up of two full-time Domestic Violence Specialist.  The Unit also contains other Patrol Domestic Violence Specialist who cover the Patrol shifts.  A deputy is also responsible for helping the victims of domestic violence with protective orders and filing for Crime Victim’s Reparations. 

These Specialists respond on-scene to domestic violence crimes and immediately begin working with the victims. They fully investigate all domestic violence crimes making the victim’s safety their top priority.  They assist in safety planning, provide transportation to shelter, keep the victims informed of the status of their case, and provide court accompaniment when requested.

The Domestic Violence Specialists have been instrumental in influencing policies, practices, and even laws.  Members of the PSS section testified before the Louisiana Legislature to facilitate the passage of Louisiana R.S. 46:2140.B, the Predominant Aggressor Law.  In the past, victims were being unnecessarily arrested when conflicting accounts of domestic violence incidents were provided to law enforcement. Through the passage of this law, officers must now identify the predominant aggressor based on a list of relevant factors and arresting only that party.  This law has greatly diminished the number of dual arrests made:  arrest, which only re-victimized the domestic violence victim.

Currently the Lafourche Parish Sheriff's Office is working in collaboration with Metropolitan Battered Women's Shelter by providing a representative of their organization, Ms. Tamara Joseph, to assist with domestic related protective orders.  Ms. Joseph's office is located within the Police Social Services Office in Thibodaux.  The information that Ms. Joseph receives is confidential unless the victim request that she speak with the Lafourche Parish Sheriff's Office.  You may contact Ms. Joseph by calling 985-449-4477 or by email.

Safety Tips

IF YOU REFUSE TO LEAVE YOUR ABUSER

• Find a safe place to go to. If possible, leave the area immediately. DO NOT run to rooms that have weapons in them (such as the kitchen) or into rooms that do not have an exit (such as a bathroom or closet).

• Call the police as soon as possible.

• Make an emergency kit. This kit should include important papers (birth certificates, social security cards, medical information), an emergency credit card, money, change for a pay phone, checkbook, clothes for you and your children, and (if necessary) formula for an infant.

• Memorize all important telephone numbers.

• Talk with close family and friends. Come up with a word that if you use they will know to call for help.

• Remember, you are important and special. No one deserves to live in fear or violence.

IF YOU HAVE LEFT YOU ABUSER

• Change ALL of your phone numbers.

• Get caller ID so that you will know who is calling and so that you have a record of who has called.

• Save and document all contacts, messages, injuries, or other incidents involving the batterer.

• Change locks, if the batterer has a key.

Avoid staying alone; however, if this is not possible, please let someone close to you know where you will be at and when to expect you back. If you have not called or returned, have them notify the police.

Have an escape route planned at your house.

If you have to meet your former partner, do so in a public place, and let numerous people know about the meeting. Try not to go alone.

Try not to take the same route to school and work everyday. Try not to settle into a routine.

Notify school, work, and childcare centers.

Call a domestic violence program for battered women for information, legal referrals, and support.

If you leave the relationship, or are thinking of leaving, take important papers and documents with you to enable you to apply for benefits or take legal action. Important papers you should take include social security cards and birth certificates for you and your children, your marriage license, leases or deeds in your name or both your and your partner's names, your checkbook, your charge cards, bank and charge account statements, insurance policies, proof of income for you and your partner (pay stubs or W-2's), and any documents of past incidents of abuse (photos, police reports, medical records, etc.).

What is Abuse?

Abuse is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, which could include the threat or use of violence. Abuse happens when one person believes they arehe or she is entitled to control another. Assault, battering, and other violent actions associated with domestic violence are crimes.

There are many different types of abuse. Abuse may include emotional abuse, economic abuse, sexual abuse, using children, threats, controlling mail privileges, phone privileges, intimidation, isolation, and a variety of other behaviors used to maintain fear, intimidation, power and control. Abuse occurs in all cultures; the perpetrators are most commonly the men of the family. Women are most commonly the victims of violence. Elder and child abuse are also prevalent. Acts of domestic violence generally fall into one or more of the following categories:

Physical Abuse - The abuser physically attacks the victim. Aggressive behavior can range from bruising to murder. It often begins with what is commonly excused as trivial contacts, which escalate into more frequent and serious attacks.

Sexual Abuse - Physical attack by the abuser will often lead to sexual violence where the victim is forced to have sexual intercourse with the abuser or take part in unwanted sexual activity.

Mental Abuse - The abuser's mental abuse can include constant verbal abuse, harassment, excessive possessiveness, extensive jealousy, isolating the victim from friends and family, deprivation of physical and economic resources, and destruction of personal property.

Abuse escalates. It often starts with the little things that would just embarrass the victim such as calling the victim names, joking about their weight, and degrading love ones. Then they will start pushing, pinching, and giving commands. This then turns into kicking, hitting, slamming the victim into things, breaking bones, and black eyes. The next step is the worst, DEATH.

After reading that, most people think why would someone start a relationship with a person that would abuse them. Well, just like every other relationship, things usually start out great. They begin with flowers, candy, dinners, movies, shopping and spending quality time together. The abuser will then start the controlling, jealousy, and arguments. The abuse then starts to escalate from there. Most of you are thinking, that the victim should know that he or she should get out of the relationship; however, how many of you have gotten into a fight with a partner and then made up. In an abusive relationship it is much the same, except the making up last much longer. There are promises to change and speeches of love. Inevitably, things go back to the rocky road of abuse. The cycle has now began. For the rest of the relationship, you will be able to see the signs of abuse and then the making up period.

All of this leads us to a very intriguing question. How can you tell if the person you are interested in is an abuser? Unfortunately, there is not a set description that we can give you; however, there are personality traits that if a person has several of these traits (usually three or more) it is a good chance that your prospective partner could be an abuser. If your partner only has one or two of these traits, they could be very exaggerated.  Please do not fall into the typical stereotypes that say that abuse only occurs between a male abuser and a female victim. Actually, abuse may occur in any relationship, gay and lesbian, parents and children, dating partners, or married partners.

1. JEALOUSY: In the beginning of a relationship an abuser will say that their jealousy is a sign of love and needing to be around you; jealousy has nothing to do with love, actually it is the complete opposite of love. It is a sign of control, possessiveness, and lack of trust. The abuser will question their partner about whom they talk to, accuse them of flirting, or be jealous of time they spend with family, friends, or children. As jealousy progresses, the abuser may call them frequently or drop by unexpectedly. The abuser may refuse to let them work for fear they will meet someone else, or even do strange things like checking the car mileage or asking friends to watch her.

2. DOMINEERING BEHAVIOR: At first the batterer will say that this behavior is because of concern for the partner’s safety and well-being. The abuser will be angry if the partner is "late" coming back from the store or elsewhere and will question them closely about where they went, to whom they spoke, etc. As this behavior gets worse the abuser may not let the partner make personal decisions about the house, their clothing, going to church; the abuser may keep all the money or even make the partner ask permission to leave the house or room.

3. RAPID INVOLVEMENT: Many battered people dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were married, engaged, or living together. An abuser comes on like a whirl-wind claiming, "You're the only person I could ever talk to", "I've never felt loved like this by anyone". The abuser will pressure the partner to commit to the relationship in such a way that later the victim may feel very guilty or that she is "letting the abuser down" if she wants to slow down involvement or break-off the relationship.

4. IMPRACTICABLE EXPECTATIONS: Abusive people will expect their partner to meet all of their needs; the abuser expects the woman to be the perfect wife/husband, mother/father, lover, friend, and will say things like "If you love me, I'm all you need - you're all I need". They are supposed to take care of everything for the abuser emotionally and in the home.

5. SECLUSION: The abusive person tries to cut the victim off from all resources. If they have friends of the opposite sex, they are whores; if they have friends of the same sex then they are homosexual; if they are close to their family, they are taking time away from their relationship and they don’t care about the abuser. The abuser accuses people who are the victim’s support of "causing trouble". The abuser may want to live in the country without a phone, may not let the partner use the car (or have one that is reliable), or may try to keep the partner from working, going to school or church.

6. BLAMES OTHERS FOR EVERYTHING: If the abuser is chronically unemployed, someone is out to get them; someone is always doing them wrong. The abuser may make mistakes and then blame the victim for upsetting them and keeping them from concentrating on the work. The abuser will tell the partner that they are at fault for almost anything that goes wrong. The abuser will tell the victim "You make me so mad", "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you", "I can't help being angry". The abuser really makes the decision about what they think or feel but will use feelings to manipulate the victim. Less obvious are claims that "You make me happy", "You control how I feel".

7. HYPERSENSITIVITY: An abuser is easily insulted, claiming their feelings are hurt when they are really mad, or taking the slightest setbacks as personal attacks. The abuser will rant and rave about the injustice of things that happen - things that are really just a part of life, like being asked to work overtime, getting a traffic ticket, being told a behavior is annoying, being asked to help with chores.

8. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS AND CHILDREN: This is a person who kills or punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain and suffering. The abuser may expect children to do things that are way beyond their ability (whips a two-year-old for wetting a diaper) or the abuser may tease children or young brothers and sisters until they cry (65% of those who beat their partner will also abuse the children). The abuser may not want the children to eat at the table or will expect them to stay in their room all evening when the abuser is home.

9. USE OF FORCE IN SEX:  The abuser might say that this is “playful” sex. This kind of person may like to throw the victim down and hold them down during sex. The abuser may want to act out fantasies during sex where the victim is helpless, and suggest that the idea of rape is exciting. The abuser may show little concern about whether the victim wants to have sex and will use sulking behavior or anger to manipulate them into compliance. The abuser may start having sex with the victim while they are sleeping, or demand sex when they are ill or tired. This could also lead to firm sex roles between the abuser and victim. The abuser expects the victim to serve them, perhaps saying that the victim must stay at home, that they must obey in all things - even things that are criminal in nature. The abuser will see victim as inferior, responsible for menial tasks, stupid, and unable to be a whole person without a relationship.

10. VERBAL ABUSE: In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, this can be seen when the abuser degrades the victim, cursing them, or running down their accomplishments. The abuser will tell the victim that they are stupid and unable to function without them. This may involve waking the victim up to verbally abuse them or not letting them go to sleep.

11. DR. JEKYLL & MR. HYDE: Many victims are confused by their abuser's "sudden" mood changes - they may think that the abuser has some mental problem because one minute the abuser is really nice and the next minute the abuser is exploding. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of people who abuse their partners, and these behaviors are related to other characteristics such as hypersensitivity.

The following four signs are found in those who are indeed batterers:

12. PAST BATTERING: An abuser may say that they have hit partners in the past but it was their partner’s fault or it was only one time. The partner may hear from relatives or ex-partners that the person is abusive. A batterer will beat any partner they are with if the victim was with them long enough for violence to begin: situational circumstances do not make a person abusive.

13. THREATS OF VIOLENCE: This includes any threat of physical force meant to control a victim; "Ill slap your mouth off", "I'll kill you", "I'll break you neck". Though most people do not threaten their partners, a batterer will try to excuse the threats by saying that "everybody talks like that".

14. DESTROYING OR HITTING OBJECTS: This behavior is used as punishment (breaking loved possessions) but is used mostly to terrorize the victim into submission. The abuser may beat on tables with their fist or throw objects around or near the victim. Again, this is a very remarkable behavior - not only is this a sign of extreme emotional immaturity, but there is great danger when someone thinks they have the "right" to punish or frighten their partner.

15. ANY FORCE DURING AN ARGUMENT: This may involve a batterer holding a partner down, physically restraining them from leaving the room and pushing or shoving. The abuser may hold the victim against the wall and say, "You're going to listen to me"!

Interesting Facts

On average, a victim will leave their abuser 5 to 7 times before leaving completely.

Again, each time a victim will leave, the abuser will use 5 to 7 excuses to get them back. These include:

• The Sweet Baby syndrome: "Oh, sweet baby, please come back... I can't live without you... I love you so much baby, please come back... I'll never hurt you again."

• The Super Dad syndrome: "I miss my kids so much...How can you do this to me... How can you take my children away from me... I love them so much... They need their daddy... Bring my kids back to me... You're hurting them by keeping them away from me".

• The Sobriety syndrome: "If you come back to me, I'll quit drinking... I'll stop using drugs... You can come home now... I've joined AA/NA.. You know I only hurt you when I'm drunk".

• The Religious syndrome: "I went to church today... I was born again... God has forgiven me, why can't you... Come home and we'll read the Bible together... We'll go to church as a family and everything will change".

• The Counseling syndrome: "
  I went to my pastor for counseling today... My counselor wants to talk with you too... I'm seeing a professional for my problems and you should too... I'm learning how to control my anger in counseling... Let's go to marriage counseling and things will be better... Come home, I've changed".
  
  The next two syndromes, Repeats of the above with intermittent Somebody's Going to Die syndrome: "I'll kill myself if you don't come back... Sweet baby, I really love you and can't live without you... I'll kill you and the kids if you don't come back... I've really changed... I'll kill your family, friends, or co-workers if you don't come back".

One out of every four American women report they have been physically abused by a husband of boyfriend at some point in their lives.

In this country, an average of four women are murdered by an intimate partner each day.

At least 3.3 million children witness violence in their homes yearly.

Planning

After you decide to leave an abusive relationship, you must devise a plan. You need to make sure that you have a place to go to; that you can get a job, so that you can become independent. Remember that when you leave an abuser the most life-threatening period is the time right after you leave. You must take precautions to ensure your safety and your children’s safety, remember the safety tips from above. This is the period that the abuser will try to lash out and show you that they are in control. If you think that you need help, call Police Social Service at 449-4477, unless it is an urgent emergency then dial 911. For the long-term, please consider seeking further education about domestic violence so that it will not happen again.

Myths about Domestic Violence

1)      Domestic violence does not affect many people.

      Truth: Domestic violence is believed to be the most common, but least reported crime in the United States.

2)      Domestic violence is only physical abuse.

Truth: Physical abuse is only a part of a larger pattern, which also includes psychological, emotional, sexual and/or economic abuse.

3)      If the violent episodes don’t happen often, the situation is not that serious.

Truth: Even if the violence doesn’t happen often, the threat of it remains a terrorizing means of control. No matter how far apart the violent episodes are, each one is a reminder of the one that has happened before and creates fear of the one that will happen in the future.

4)      Domestic violence is a momentary loss of temper.

Truth: Domestic violence is just the opposite of a “momentary loss of temper.” The abuser makes a conscious decision to abuse. The abuse is an ongoing technique to enforce control.

5)      If the batterer is truly sorry and promises to reform, the abuse is going to stop.

Truth: Remorse and begging for forgiveness are manipulative methods used by abusers to control their victims. Abusers rarely stop abusing. The abuse often gets worse as time goes on.

6)      Domestic violence is caused by drugs or alcohol.

Truth: Alcohol, drugs, and stress are not causes of abuse. Not every batterer is a substance abuser. Not every substance abuser is a batterer. Substance abuse is not a cause of domestic violence. Substance abuse may lower inhibitors which may increase the frequency and severity of the abuse.

7)      Domestic violence occurs more often in poorer families.

Truth: All racial and cultural backgrounds, income and educational levels are at risk for battering. Those having a higher income may have more resources available to them and therefore may be less likely to use shelter services; however, battering can happen to anyone.

8)      Victims get hit because they provoke their partners or have the type of personality that seeks out abuse.

Truth: Many people look only to the victim to understand why abuse happens. However, battering is a choice and the person who hits is the only one responsible for that behavior. No one can make another person hit them. There is never a time when hitting is an appropriate response.

9)      The victim can walk away from the relationship.

Truth: Victims believe that they do not have anyplace to go where they will be safe from the abuser. The abuser often knows the victim’s friends and family members and can find a victim who leaves. It takes money, a support network, and time for planning to ensure that a victim can escape.

10)  Victims have the types of personalities that seek out and encourage abuse.

Truth: A number of studies have determined that there are no set of personality traits that describe victims of abuse. It is the abuser who is responsible for the abuse, NOT THE VICTIM.

Local Hot Lines for Help.

Chez Hope, Inc.   800-331-5303

The Haven    800-915-0045

Metropolitan Battered Women's Program 1-800-738-8900

Louisiana Domestic Violence Hotline  1-888-411-1333

All of this information and more can be found at www.lcadv.org